Saturday 22 October, I spent the day with my CVMA sister CJ, who has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which has spread to her lymphnodes and will ultimaely take her life. We all know that we and everyone we know and love will die one day, and that day could be at any moment. But somehow we are able to go about our lives as though tomorrow will always be there. Yet, when we or someone we know is told that the tomorrows will stop coming, that they are going to die soon and for certain, it hurts like nothing that can be explained. I think for we combat veterans it can hurt more because of all that we have survived and fixed during our time in the military, we are not use to being faced with a situation that cannot in any way be improvised, adapted or overcome.
So today I did all that I coud for CJ, I helped her into her CVMA motorcycle vest and I drank some of her American Honey for her at her request; I let her suck some American Honey off of my finger because she was dying for a sip but the thrush in her mouth is so bad she cannot handle a sip; I helped her FaceTime with those CVMA brothers and sisters she loves the most and wanted to be sure she got to see them one more time and tell them she loves them; I helped her make some phone calls to other CVMA brothers and sisters to let them know that she loves them; I sat in bed with her and hugged her and we talked about how messed up this whole situation is and we cried beause we both know that she wont be around much longer and we might not get the chance again.
And yet everytime everyday that we see someone, it may be the last time and we don't pay it any mind.
I know that I have been an asshole to and pissed off some people during my life and as a result they wrote me off/blocked me, if you know an of the following individuals please let them know that I am sorry, I harbor no hard feelngs and I hope they can give me the opportunity to part ways on better terms:
Dave Notash, Heather Pittard, John Worthingon, Dave "Early" Gilmer.
I will contine to be the best person I can be, enjoyng every moment, person and place that I can, continue to improve myself and hopefully when my last days come I will have someone by my side willing to let me enjoy a drop of Jack Daniels off of their finger.